| One of the greatest illusions of life is that we have | | | | notion that you can change them is a huge waste of |
| control over it. The heartfelt belief that if we just keep | | | | time. You must learn to accept people as they are, not |
| control over everything, then nothing adverse will ever | | | | as you want them to be, not as the potential that you |
| happen to us in akin to the old saw, Hope springs | | | | can see in them, and not as you wish they would be! |
| eternal in the human breast. Sounds good but it | | | | It is unrealistic to expect someone to change for you. If |
| ain’t necessarily so. | | | | you are in a less-than ideal relationship, then the |
| Too many people send their days trying to control the | | | | decision that you need to be making is whether you |
| uncontrollable. And exactly what is the uncontrollable? It | | | | can live with this person or situation, as it is right now, |
| is anything that exists outside of ourselves. It is our | | | | for the rest of your life. If you can’t, then it may |
| significant others. It is our jobs, our co-workers and our | | | | be time to let go of it. |
| bosses. It is our children, our parents, our siblings and | | | | Trying to change people is a subtle form of control. |
| our friends. In short, the uncontrollable is life. | | | | You are trying to alter a person based on your |
| When we live our lives based on the attempt to | | | | desires. It never works. People change because it is in |
| control the behavior of others, we are wasting our | | | | their own best interests to do so. It is a very selfish |
| valuable time and energy. Telling ourselves things like, | | | | and personal thing; it has to be to work. |
| He will quit drinking because it means so much to | | | | Relinquishing the desire to control is a huge step |
| me, and then everything will be fine. If I clean until | | | | forward in your personal development. Learning that |
| the house is spotless, this time my mother will not | | | | the only thing in life that you can control is yourself is |
| criticize me. If I just have everything perfect | | | | the first step to empowerment. If you need it, get help |
| when he gets home, this time he won’t be | | | | with this. Go get therapy, hire a coach or join a |
| verbally abusive. He is going to change this | | | | co-dependency group. |
| time. And on, and on, and on. | | | | When you abandon the wish for better, and begin to |
| The reality is that the other person is not going to | | | | change yourself so that you experience better, then |
| change unless they somehow experience a life-altering | | | | and only then will your life change. |
| event, and expecting them to is a waste of time. It | | | | =-=-= |
| isn’t really even fair to them. The people in your | | | | You have permission to publish this article |
| life are what they are, and expecting them to change | | | | electronicallyor in print, free of charge, as long as the |
| because you want them to is unrealistic. If you have | | | | resource box isincluded. A courtesy copy of your |
| gotten into relationship with someone based on the | | | | publication would beappreciated. |